Ramblings...to keep me honest with my feelings...to mark my journey to where ever it may lead.

I've been doing some soul searching and I've discovered one aspect of my life that I'm not very proud of...and that is my selfishness. I never thought I was a selfish person and in most aspects I'm not but in one area I have been and that area is my time with my love.

She's given me time to look within myself, to help myself heal, time to grow. She's given me the freedom to have as much time as I need and yet when she's needed that same time, I've been selfish. I've pouted, I've resisted, I've whined, I've taken it personally and not given her the space she needs, the time she needs, the freedom she needs to grow.

It hurts to know that I've done this to the one person I treasure and love more than any other. I want her to be the best she can be. I want to support her and yet during the time she needs for herself, I've tried to take that away. To be honest, I never realized I was doing it or acting this way and now that I've realized how I've reacted, it hurts inside.

For someone who claims she doesn't have a lot of patience, she has shown more patience with me than what I deserve. When she says she loves me more, she has shown and proven it with her willingness to step back and give me the space to be me, she has shown and proven it with her actions, not just her words. Whereas I've said I'll support her and give her the time, yet I have failed to follow up my words with my actions.